Let me start with this: I know this is a hot take. I know not everyone is going to agree with me. But someone has to say it and it might as well be someone who has spent time navigating corporate life, observing everything from {read more}
Welcome back to my blog everyone, and happy autumn season here in the northern hemisphere. As baseball season is transitioning from its regular season into playoffs; I thought this was the perfect time to highlight how great of a sport it is! And of course, {read more}
Today’s post is another book review! This time, a leadership book called, “Boundaries for Leaders: Results, Relationships, and being RIDICULOUSLY in charge” written by Dr. Henry Cloud. This book gained my attention because I have read some of Dr. Cloud’s other Boundaries books, and took something from them. This one had been on my ‘to-read’ list for quite some time and I finally took the time to crack it open.
In this book review, I summarize some of the key points, and give an honest review of the book itself!
You asked for it! So here it is. Below is a typical ‘day in the life’ of me 🙂 Most days I try and mix things up, but the activities contained in my day are usually the same. The theme of the pandemic and being {read more}
Welcome back fam! I’m going to get straight to the point: for the longest time I forced myself to be someone I wasn’t. Instead of embracing the delicate, soft parts of myself; I showed the world only my thorns. Randomly finding this little quiz on {read more}
This post is a story time post! It contains the top 3 goals I’ve achieved through the reflection discussed in the last post. Throughout my journey, the most helpful articles and pieces of advice always came with actual examples of where it worked. Therefore, I’ve included the below as inspiration. These are some of the things I’ve achieved which vary in size and tangibility. Alas, they have been achieved! The examples I’ve chosen to expand upon are less tangible but much more important. Some may say they are soul-level goals.
If you haven’t watched the movie “Happy”, I highly recommend it. It reviews what happiness means around the world. In most cases, happiness stems from either a connection/relationship or the state of flow through creation.
For me, being happier is something I have to work at. A big part of this stemmed from my hyper critical nature and never believing what I was doing was ‘enough’. Over time I set the goal to be happier and improve in little areas. At first I would track, morning, noon and night my happy meter. Slowly, I actively would shift my mood when I found myself with a sad face too many times in a row. This also came with cultivating gratitude, as well as being more vulnerable with friends. Lastly, over time as I came to know myself better, I was sure to engage in activities that I wanted to do and enjoyed. If you need help in this area, my post on being unapologetically yourself might help!
In a previous post, which I’ll find and link here, I talked about the ‘Im not angry, I’m from Philly’ shirt. Unfortunately, where I grew up wasn’t known for its friendliness. Often a fairly violent place, close by to both Camden and Philadelphia most people had a stoic way about them. Keeping a guard up at all times, and being suspicious to boot. When moving to the south, the culture difference was palpable. People waved when walking past, most people smiled and at the very least folks would make eye contact. Over time, I took note and started to enjoy making connections with people in my community. In addition, I’ve learned how much better life is by being friendly! It also helps to be happier when the on-goings of the day are pleasant and laughter is common.
This goal seemed far-fetched to me when I set it. At the time, I was traveling 100% for work, didn’t have a dedicated desk in the office I reported to and couldn’t seem to find any comforts day in and day out. (I briefly discuss this experience in a previous post.) Being apart from your world isn’t easy. The moment I knew I needed to make a change happened on the phone with my Aunt. Her youngest was in her teens and not only did I want to set a better example, but I also came to a ‘what is the point of all this’ moment. If wasn’t able to enjoy most days, and at least enjoy something everyday; what would be the point of chugging along in life?!
After I made this goal, I realized I was truly challenging myself. Huge changes were needed to get back on track. First, I wrote down the things I did enjoy about my current life (and some of them included my co-worker at the time and the snow where I was). Secondly, I wrote down all the things I knew I loved but couldn’t enjoy because of my schedule. Third, I wrote down all the things I was looking forward to enjoying in the future but hadn’t experienced yet.
After, I shifted my priority and focus to accommodate what I actually wanted in life. After I reorganized my life and made some huge changed, I started a list of things I wanted to do everyday. This list included the things that would ensure enjoyment everyday. Things to look forward to and simple cozy things too.
While I have achieved these things over the years, it isn’t to say I haven’t had to continue working toward improvements. We will talk about continuous improvement in future posts, along with revisiting old skills. As time marches on it is always important to go back and refresh once in awhile.
For example, one of my most proud accomplishments was the training of my puppies, Zoe and Bianca. Bianca is now 12 years old, her training took place over a decade ago. At the time, my dogs were so well behaved, listened to commands and knew sign language. They were so in touch with my every movement, they could almost predict what was going to happen next. This took time and dedication on my part; throughout our years together it came naturally. However, the passing of her sister was a rough event for both of us. I had to brush up on my training skills and get back into a consistent pattern of working with Bianca everyday.
I would love to hear some of your big goals and destinations! And also any success you’ve seen or big changes you’ve initiated for yourself that could inspire others to start their own personal journey’s!
While I was originally starting off the journey to become happier, more friendly and enjoy everyday. A family friend introduced me to an amazing book (pictured here): The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The four agreements are:
1. Don’t take anything personally
2. Don’t make assumptions
3. Be impeccable with your word
4. Always do your best
This book can be life changing!
At one point or another, the majority of people find themselves in a situation they wish they weren’t in. Usually, this happens after a series of small decisions that slowly took the person off course. Rarely are these situations purposeful or an all-of-a-sudden type moment. {read more}
As the first three months of the year come to a close, it is a good time to reflect on daily habits. And determine if they are pointing you in the right direction toward your goals. Or if they are ever so slightly off track {read more}
In this post, we discuss prioritization and focus. Separately or together, these two tools can reduce stress, increase the feeling of accomplishment and improve personal success rates.
It may be helpful to have a piece of paper or journal to write down your thoughts.
You’ve probably seen the “advice” available on the internet saying:
Swap out the words ‘too busy’ with ‘it isn’t a priority’.
In my opinion, this can help highlight two sides of the same coin. The first being where I am wasting time and energy. And the second being where I need to set a clearer personal boundary with my time.
Last month I spent more time than anticipated cooking and making changes to my home. As a result, my mindfulness goals took a hit. The activities I spent time on were important and worthwhile, however not originally my priority.
Pre-pandemic my calendar was packed with travel, work, family and social events. Often I found myself ‘too busy’ when in reality I needed to truly sit down with my calendar and prioritize.
Prioritization and optimization of time are directionally helpful. Before prioritizing it is important to know that we are human and there are only so many hours in the day. The fact is there are seasons in life when we just have too much we are trying to accomplish. In those seasons, prioritization and efficiency might not be ‘enough’. Instead, activities need to be paused, responsibility needs to be further shared or additional help is required.
In addition, recognizing the place flexibility and adaptability have in life is also important. Certainly, sometimes, in-the-moment prioritization is necessary, however it should be the exception. If you find yourself having to consistently put aside what you had planned to accommodate in-the-moment ‘needs’, most likely something is awry.
Typically too much if this type of reprioritization leads to finding ourselves in a life we don’t even enjoy. Maybe evening finding ourselves, not just months, but sometimes years away from a goal or dream. This scary moment is when we need to get back in front of the mirror and do two things:
Have you thought through your goals and wishes? If not, make it your number one priority. Maybe even stop reading right now and write down the top 3 things you’d like to accomplish this year. My goal setting post from the first of the year may provide inspiration.
Once you have your goals front of mind, first, recognize the steps it may take to accomplish each one. Next, note down the progress you have previously made and how you are feeling about the goal today. (For your reference, two of my progress reports for 2021 from this year are: January Mid-Month and February Start).
Before prioritizing, it can be helpful to put the associated length of time next to each activity.
Now that you have a handful of smaller pieces related to each of your goals, it is time to prioritize and schedule. Priority may be obvious. For example, if you have an exam coming up – studying for the exam will become the priority.
In some seasons, priority is an independent decision. This vast freedom can quickly cause lack of direction and feeling lost. If this is your current season, I recommend completing the purpose setting exercise.
In either scenario force rank the goal itself and then the tasks within. Now is time to sit down with a calendar. Start scheduling blocks of time for the tasks related to your goals.
Tip: For higher priority goals, block DOUBLE the time. For lower priority goals, block an additional 15 minutes.
Yup – that means if you think something will take 1 hour, block yourself 2 full hours. Make the commitment to use the time scheduled. The extra time allows for a calmer pace, more margin and gives yourself the space to feel at ease.
In summary, proactive prioritization results in healthy personal boundaries!
Now that prioritization and scheduling are complete, it is time to focus. Focusing during the blocked times WILL result in increased peace, better outputs (this blog is a great example: jk jk) and a higher chance of getting into the flow state.
Just think of how relaxed you would feel knowing all of your activities are scheduled and the time you have blocked is dedicated to concentration of one task. No more worrying about what has to be done – the time will already be set aside!
If procrastination is a trait, this exercise will at the very least illuminate the consequence of your chosen delay. (Do you really want to trade in sleep, exercise or time with loved ones?).
Step 1: What are your top priorities right now?
Step 2: Next, think about the last 3 days. How did you spend the majority of your time?
Step 3: Realign the next 3 days to focus and spend the most time and energy on the top priorities. If these 3 days are blissful, rise and repeat.
Last Tip: A priority CAN include relaxing - so don't feel bad scheduling Netflix time. :)
This practice can take effort and the ability to say ‘no’ to the things that simply don’t fit. My hope is that your next 3 days are blissful, however the long term results reveal the true measure. Therefore, if at first you do not succeed, try again! The immediate results may feel good but strange. Most importantly, the long term application will result in accomplishing big goals!
The feature picture of this post is from a trip to the West Coast I was able to take in 2017. I made it a priority to stay in touch with friends from Philly and to travel outside of my work travel. At the time, I was living in Connecticut and they had moved to San Diego, California. This picture also represents bliss to me. Being near water, memories of good food, laughter and gorgeous sunsets.
Funny also how now, during the pandemic, I wish I could more easily be home to see my family and friends from New Jersey.
Can you think of one instance in which a second chance would have been great? An interview? A relationship? A career choice? Thinking about these moments, name the top three things you would change before going into the second chance. Preparedness? Deodorant? Self-reflection? Word choice? {read more}