Thankfully, because of my day job, I have access to a professional coach. Realizing this is not a benefit many folks have, I decided to write about a recent experience. And my resulting realization; as I think it is very relatable. This particular session was a daunting one in my mind. Knowing I had a big, life-changing, potentially disappointing decision to make, I went into the session prepared; wanting of course to get the most out of the 45 minutes. Not only did I list out the specific discussion points, I also drew a picture for myself.
Throughout the coaching session, I found myself saying the words, “internal conflict” at least 3 times. The way I saw it, two sides of myself, two ‘endings’ of my “choose your own adventure” were at odds with one another. As my coach talked me through things, a realization came over me. I was not having any internal conflict. Rather, a misunderstanding in my thought process had come about.
This misunderstanding was mostly related to the limiting belief that a choice even had to be made. My coach reassured me that not only were my ‘endings’ not completely apart from one another, but that they could in fact exist with the same outcome.
My gratitude for this discussion will spill far into my future, and it is a discussion I will most likely refer back to often. (Don’t worry I took notes).
This leads us to today’s post about pursing understanding.
Pursue understanding of yourself
Not always does a conflict have to be between two different people. Often our internal conflicts are a greater cause to stress. It is often said that most conflict stems from misunderstanding. Typically, we think of this when two people are in conflict with one another. When seeking to understand another, we try to be humble, and use the two ears one mouth advice and do our best not to be emotional.
However, what happens when this misunderstanding is bubbling up within our own mind? I suppose we could sit down in front of a mirror and talk it out … we can always talk aloud to a friend or a professional coach (like I did). But what if, we turned inward and sought understanding from within first.
After all, we are closest to knowing what experiences have shaped us, and what we are actually thinking. Maybe it is time now to seek understanding on WHY those experiences shaped us and WHY we have the thoughts we have. If we start to understand those why’s within ourselves, we can have our own ‘ah-ha’ moments. This process can illuminate many of the decisions we’ve made, and how we got as far down the current path as we are.
But also, this process can help us to start and reshape or reframe our internal responses and decision making for the future.
So, today, I challenge you to seek to understand yourself better. Text yourself the sweaty armpits, “we need to talk” text. Give yourself the chance to get to know yourself a little better. And yes, I totally understand if it feels scary to want to get to know yourself better, but it is worth it… believe me.
1. At the top of a paper or ‘notes’ section of your phone… Write something you’ve been mulling over, or anxious about.
2. Describe what you are feeling about the situation in a few words.
3. Write down some reasons why you may be feeling this way.
4. Follow this by writing doing the outcome you’d like in the situation, perhaps not specifically; but how you want to feel when it is resolved.
5. Reframe the situation from a positive lens.
If you so choose, let me know how this went for you in the comments below!